So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
