Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
