And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
