did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
