So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
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Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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