Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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