I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
