i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
