before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
