But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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