I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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