wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
