you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
