sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Randomize
