I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I have demons in me.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
