It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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