my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
