Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
