New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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