just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
