They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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