So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
