She said her name was "party"
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
