So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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