like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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