Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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