I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
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