Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
