is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
