You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
