I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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