see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
