MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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