Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
