What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
they're like a gay fantastic four
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
