Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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