Dual....:-)
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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