She is in my trunk
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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