i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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