It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
This is classic penis vs brain.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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