The maid of honor just puked.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
