The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
