Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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