after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How external is "for external use only"?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize