I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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