i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
