Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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