I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
porn star boner night. come get it.
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had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
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Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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