We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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