If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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