Nicole vs. Life
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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