just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
