I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
