sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
