I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
