Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
