its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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