I think I won the penis lottery.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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