i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
